Global Warming Fun 4: They Taste Like Chicken Read online

PARTICIPATE IN THE HISTORIC MEETING BETWEEN THE STONE-COATS AND OUR CREATOR, JERRY GREEN."

  "I LOOK FORWARD TO THE EVENT AND FURTHER INTERACTIONS BETWEEN US ALL!" Ed projected strongly, before cutting off his thoughts to the ever inquisitive insects. Hundreds of billions of intelligent ants would soon be conversing with millions of tons of intelligent rock conversing with his former next-door neighbor and most powerful Government official Jerry Green! Why did such dramatic events seem to always happen during his turn at being Chief? Ed wasn't as much looking forward to the event as he was looking forward to being able to look back at the event.

  Ed, Dawn Owl, and the farmer Tribe members slipped on their jackets and boots before pushing through the hanging strips of heavy plastic that cut down on air and heat exchange with the topside Deck area.

  It was sunny and warm outside, and already over forty degrees. The morning summer sun made it feel like fifty, and the warmth of it on his skin felt wonderful. After a long winter of sub-zero temperatures, this felt heavenly to Ed. The increase in telepathic chatter outside, human and non-human, also hit him hard, but he had become skilled at tuning most of it out. Best of all the air outside was fresh and clean compared to the air in the caves. The system of vents in the cave worked well, but it was not the same as being outside.

  It was also not the same as being in the forests of decades past, unfortunately. Beyond the Deck, miles of fog-obscured ice sheet stretched instead of forests, the legacy of human-induced climate change. The International Commission on Stratigraphy had already declared that Earth had entered the Anthropocene, a human dominated geological epoch. These ephemeral ice sheets were predicted to last only a few hundred years. In another thousand years when this and all other ice sheets melted as predicted by scientists the Quaternary period itself and its two and a half million year ice age would officially end. Ed wondered if at that time there would still exist an International Commission on Stratigraphy to name a new period and epoch. At the rate things were headed downhill he strongly doubted it.

  "There you are at last!" chided his wife Mary, as she scrambled to Ed and hugged him warmly. Twice the apparent age of Ed, she was still a slim, attractive, energetic woman that didn't yet require medicines or jant/tick help to maintain her health. "My, but you've grown tall!" she told Mark Dawn Owl, as she also gave him a quick hug. "And I judge that Walking Stone has added a couple hundred pounds of lovely gemstones too!" She gave the Stone-Coat a quick embrace which was not visibly acknowledged by the inscrutable mineral creature.

  "John has gone on to the green houses to seek out Talking Owl for your meeting," she informed them. "I have commandeered a cold-chamber for the comfort of Walking Stone and some chairs for humans." She pointed to an area further out on the Deck where several old women were arranging most wooden Deck chairs to face towards a cold-chamber and a small inner circle of chairs arranged near it.

  Ed wasn't surprised to see Mark's father Frank Gray Wolf and his mother Morning Dove already seated near the circle. A huge back-pack full of camping equipment sat on the Deck nearby. The camping equipment appeared to consist of modern white-man made items, no doubt purchased using cash gained from the Tribe's trade of diamonds with the outside world. Good. The kid would need good equipment.

  Both parents looked anxious. Ed waved hello and smiled at them in an attempt to reassure them that things were well in hand, but he didn't blame them for being anxious about their eldest but still too-young son going on his spirit quest in the brutal icy wilderness that surrounded Giants' Rest.

  Morning Dove was beautiful: the spitting image of her mother in years past, though her telepathic skills weren't nearly as strong. Ed had spent many years working closely with Dawn Owl's father, lead Tribe scientist Frank Gray Wolf. Most parents would be pestering their Chief with concerns and questions at a time like this, but Mark's parents were not. They both had trust and confidence in their son and in their close friend Chief Ed, and simply waved and smiled back at him.

  "I already announced to the Tribe that in an hour there will be a brief spirit quest ceremony," continued Mary. "Despite the planting and harvesting work schedule I expect that many people will take a break to attend. I assume that one hour will give you enough time to decide exactly what you will say at the ceremony?"

  "Yes Mary, thank you," Ed responded. "An hour will need to be sufficient. There are other preparations to make immediately. Jerry Green is coming today, perhaps as early as late morning."

  "Yes, Running Bear told me. As the way to any man's heart is through his stomach I am planning to greet our long lost neighbor with food. What about you? Have you eaten any breakfast?"

  "No! Not a thing!" Ed responded in surprise. How did she always know? "I guess I was too busy with my Chief duties. John Running Bear seems to have been saving up issues for me to address."

  "Ha! More likely you dozed off in your recliner again. Sometimes you act like you're aging like the rest of us. Well, you are what you eat, Ed, and this morning you and your young friend will be corn, squash, beans, snap peas, and assorted leafy greens picked fresh from the green houses." She escorted them to a nearby wooden picnic table where two elderly Tribe women were already putting out big quartz plates heaped with steaming food. Ed was fortune enough to be downwind of the food and the aroma was incredible.

  "Mary, you're a miracle worker!" Ed said, as Mary sat him down in front of one of the plates of food, and motioned for Dawn Owl to sit at the other. "And your friends also of course!" Mary commanded an entourage of old people that followed her everywhere doing chores for the Tribe, including much Tribe cooking and cleaning. She was a natural leader and didn't seem to mind leading. She was the one that should have been made a chief, Ed often thought.

  "I already ate breakfast," noted Mark. "But thanks; I guess I can eat some more."

  "Of course you can; you're a teenager now," said Mary, as a tray holding big cups of steaming strawberry-flavored tea was added to the table. "Besides, this is your last meal before being turned loose into the wilderness. I do hope that you know what the hell you're doing, young man!"

  "Grandfather has instructed me extensively on survival tactics," Mark replied. "He used to be a Government spy, you know!"

  "Yes we know," said Mary, as she sat down with Ed and Mark and sipped hot peppermint tea. "We were the ones that Running Bear was spying on for the NSA. It used to be so beautiful here then, before the snows came and stayed."

  As Mary rambled on about the good-old-days, Ed stared out over Giants' Rest Valley and also wistfully remembered how it was. Giants' Rest Valley was almost all farmland then, and the mountain foothills were covered with giant green trees. The Giants' Rest trees were all gone and the enormous Tribe greenhouses that had been developed due to climate change provided less than ten percent as much cultivated area as was once farmed by the Tribe. The Tribe still grew essentially all of its own food, but now there was much less food and ninety percent less local Tribe.

  This valley and countless others in the Adirondack mountain range were now frozen wastelands; buried under ten or more meters of ice and snow that refused to completely melt even in the summer. Instead only half the new annual snow melted in the summer and the remaining half added to the accumulating ice sheet. In the valleys and on the north-facing mountainsides the trees were buried in permanent ice, and only the skeletal remains of some of them still poked up into the air. Some plants including trees still tenaciously survived on many southern-facing mountain slopes, which sheltered a multitude of hearty plant and animal refugees, but more than ninety percent of the original forest was gone, along with most of its plant and animal inhabitants.

  Ed himself had driven trucks full of animals south to the Virginia Appalachian forestlands where most of the Tribe now lived. It had taken all of his telepathic skills to calm the creatures and keep them from eating each other during the trips. There were still a few clan bears and wolves scattered in the mountains, but all turtles were either moved south or dead. Oddly eno
ugh Ed found that he missed the turtles even more than he missed the wolves and bears, and not just because they were fundamental to the Mohawk lunar calendar and new-year celebration. He found the slow quiet thoughts of turtles to be calming and sensible. The stressed and decimated wildlife population that remained in the region was comparatively anxious and upsetting.

  Now the valley that spread out below was glacier covered and shrouded in persistent summer fog. Most life had retreated from Mohawk County, but the fog remained.

  Ed glanced behind him at Giants' Rest Mountain. The Tribe cave complex was on the sunny south slope of the Mountain, and completely bare of snow and ice in the summer. The five-thousand foot peak was a massive solid rounded granite mound, somewhat reminiscent of El Capitan at Yosemite in California. Particularly in winter and at night the rest of the year, the shaded far north side of the Mountain was the hub of Stone-Coat activity, with dozens of Stone-Coat Ice Giants coming and going. The strange rock-creatures were enjoying a period of revitalization due to climate change and Tribe support. Even in summer they marched off at night seeking destinations far from Giants' Rest Mountain, spreading their rock-based life-form to other Adirondack peaks and beyond and consuming frozen tree remnants for the carbon and other elements that they needed to propagate themselves.

  Why was it getting colder here while most of the world was getting warmer? Ed didn't understand the science behind it, but Dawn Owl's father Frank Gray Wolf once likened it to opening a refrigerator door. The entire room and the refrigerator got warmer as the appliance hopelessly worked to cool itself, but the area in front of the refrigerator was locally cooled by cold air spilling out of the open refrigerator doorway. Yes, most of the Arctic Ice Cap was now open ocean in the summer due to climate change, but aided by the diverted arctic jet-stream, the arctic winter cold, though less severe than in times past, was now more strongly felt across Eastern Canada and in the New England area of the United States. Global 'Warming' featured both hot and cold running weather, with a few areas of the globe actually getting colder. If you lived in a hotter area that might seem like a good thing, until your backyard was buried under an ice sheet all year.

  New England and coastal Canada were hit particularly hard, as that is where warmer ocean waters carried by the invigorated Gulf Stream caused wet warm air to meet the cold arctic air, resulting in record snowfalls. Ocean-warmed coastal cities such as Boston and New York suffered record winter snowfalls but had warmer, snow free summers sometimes accompanied by hurricanes. Further inland, much of the winter snow no longer completely melted, and most humans had abandoned the resulting frozen wastelands. Yes, in the distant past there had been many occurrences of extreme climate change, but this human induced climate change was happening unusually quickly, such that many life forms including humans were struggling to survive.

  Life though greatly diminished stubbornly held on even in the colder areas. On the Mohawk Reservation of Giants' Rest Mountain a unique partnership between humans and Stone-Coats allowed a portion of the Tribe to still survive here. For several years the Tribe had brought raw materials to the Stone-Coats, allowing them to flourish to an extent not experienced by them for hundreds of thousands of years. The Stone-Coats in return developed a climate-controlled cave system where Tribe members could live, and greenhouses where they could grow food most of the year for consumption by humans, Stone-Coats, and jants.

  Ed stared out admiringly at the complex of Tribe greenhouse structures. At first glance the long transparent buildings looked much like ordinary greenhouses constructed by humans, much as the insides of the cave longhouses looked deceptively like traditional Mohawk dwellings. However, like the Tribe cave dwellings, these greenhouses were constructed by Stone-Coats. It had taken the Stone-Coats years to do it, but they slowly reshaped granite obtained quartz into windows, and shaped other assorted minerals into frames, floors, and supporting pillars that reached down through the ice and into the underlying bedrock. The pillars grew constantly to keep the greenhouses above the rising level of ice.

  "GOOD MORNING, CHIEF ATI:RON!" pathed Talking Owl.

  Ed stood and turned to face Talking Owl, who had emerged from one of several glass enclosed tunnels that led down to the greenhouses. Though nearly sixty she was still hauntingly beautiful, though increasingly the diminutive Religious Chief reminded Ed of her long dead Grandmother, Mouse. An enormous snowy white owl rode on the shoulder of the Owl Clan Leader.

  "SHE:KON TSIHSTEKERI!" Ed pathed 'hello owl' in return. If he didn't use his Mohawk once in a while, he knew he would forget it, which would be a shame, even though most of the Tribe now used English most of the time. "IT'S A BUSY MORNING, TALKING OWL. GOOD HUNTING, YELLOW CLAW," he added for the owl's benefit.

  "GOOD HUNTING!" the Owl repeated back to him telepathically, while acoustically voicing a loud hoot. After more than three decades of communicating with owls, Ed still wasn't sure how much they understood of Mohawk or English.

  The much more massive form of her husband John Running Bear emerged from the tunnel behind her, and the couple slowly made their way through an opposing stream of greenhouse bound farm workers who paused to exchange warm greetings with the popular Tribe leaders.

  More hugs and greetings were exchanged when the arriving couple reached the little circle of Deck chairs and everyone sat down to convene Ed's meeting.

  "By now you are all acquainted with the issue of Walking Stone and the spirit quest of Dawn Owl," began Ed. "By tradition the Tribe Chief is supposed to define the particular goals of the quest, if there are any goals in addition to the basic requirement to survive two weeks in the wilderness without Tribe help. I have come up with goals that are somewhat unusual. So unusual that I wanted to discus and achieve concurrence on them with all of you before announcing them at the formal spirit quest ceremony to be held shortly."

  "You have our attention," said Running Bear.

  "Part of our Treaty with the Stone Coats is that they monitor five humans from birth to death, and Dawn Owl became the first human to be so monitored. Perhaps we should have considered the spirit quest tradition before we made that agreement, but now I believe it can be used to the advantage of both humans and Stone-Coats. Running Bear, you tried to stimulate closer personal relations with Stone-Coats when the Stone-Coat Clan was established and you were made its clan leader."

  "Yes, a clan leader without a clan," lamented Running Bear. "The idea was to indicate to the Stone-Coats and ourselves that we wished to explore the possibility of bonding more closely with Stone-Coats as part of a permanent peace between us."

  "Yes, and we thought that agreeing to the monitoring of several of our people as they grew up would also show to them our good intentions," said Talking Owl.

  "We intended them to be family members," noted Mary, "and they essentially didn't get it."

  "But we trusted Stone-Coats to monitor several of our precious, vulnerable children," continued Talking Owl. "We have more subtly attempted a similar thing with the jants and their medical ticks."

  "The jants are living creatures that share our warm world and perhaps better understand us," noted Ed. "But we will focus on them at another time. My point now is that we have already taken huge steps to strengthen our understanding of and ties with the Atenenyarhu." A few of the native Tribe-people grimaced in response to Ed's mangled pronunciation of the Mohawk word for Stone-Coats, and Ed decided to stick with English. "We hoped that having five of them live among us would lead to lasting peace and understanding between us. We have indeed gained much cooperation but not so much friendship and understanding," Ed said. "Now I propose that we try again to do so. Specifically I propose that Mark and Walking Stone accomplish a soul quest together as Tribe youth and clan animal."

  "Stone-Coat Ice Giants are not animals," Gray Wolf objected. "They are a sentient rock life-form with an alien, collective intelligence. Each one of them is packed full of silicon doped with dozens of elements to achieve computer-like electronic properties,
interconnected using highly conductive carbon graphene nanotube and metallic wiring. They may be regarded to be living computers: a silicon life-form as alien to us as anything we might be likely to find through exploration of other star systems."

  "Yet officially they are also Tribe clan animals," pointed out Running Bear, Leader of the Stone-Coat Clan.

  "From a science terminology perspective humans are of course the animals and are clan members and hence are the actual clan animals." noted Gray Wolf.

  "Whatever we chose to call them, it is now appropriate that from a Tribe perspective Dawn Owl be considered to be of the Stone-Coat Clan," said Ed, "and that Walking Stone be his acknowledged clan companion brother, even though as you point out the Stone-Coats are essentially living computers and far more sentient than traditional clan animals."

  "The Elder Council might agree to this if the Stone-Coat involved pledges to only observe Dawn Owl and not interfere with his survival," said Talking Owl.

  "I propose the opposite," said Ed. "As this entire corner of the continent has become a frozen wasteland, Mark will obviously face serious challenges. But as this spirit quest falls in the summer, I suspect that Walking Stone will also experience very serious difficulties. Living here at Giants' Rest Mountain among the Tribe they have both had it easy. Out in the wilderness they will both need to cooperate together during their joint spirit quest."

  "Taking the Stone-Coat with him could prove to be a huge burden particularly in the summer," said Running Bear. "I have been with them when they have practiced getting around on summer ice."

  "Yes," Ed agreed. "Yet the Treaty must be observed such that Walking Stone maintains his observation of Dawn Owl. Even here on the Reservation that means that Mark is prohibited from eluding the presence of Walking Stone. That is already a huge burden for him to endure, is it not?"

  "We had not thought that to be the case," interjected Walking Stone.

  "It is indeed so," said Morning Dove. "Since he was three years old our son could have physically evaded you. We have had to constrain his movements and teach him to remain within your perception. During a quest for survival that could become a huge burden. He will need to hunt and travel over rugged terrain including summer-melting sheet ice. How will that be possible with you tethered to him by the Treaty?"

  "Yes the challenge will be great, but that is what I propose," said Ed. "They must learn to help each other as never before. An accompanying change of Walking Stone personality will be needed."

  "Specify," said the Stone-Coat.

  "You will need to communicate much more with Mark."

  "That is not my monitoring protocol," said Walking Stone. "I am to avoid interference with Mark and merely observe."

  "And what has it gotten you?" Ed asked. "You are trying to understand humans, are you not? You won't ever be able to do that if you merely passively observe us. You do that now anyway with the whole Northern Tribe living within your Mountain. To understand us, if that is even possible, you will have to try to live with us as true companions, not simply as observers. From a human perspective your current monitoring protocol is disturbingly creepy. I propose that you be a companion and not a mere monitor."

  "Ah!" said Gray Wolf. "From a science perspective that Walking Stone will perhaps better understand you are proposing that actively interfacing with the system being observed is necessary to achieve more pertinent observations of its behavior. Stimulus and response will become possible, though it will be stimulus and response between equals. Besides, as we have just noted, the required presence of Stone-Coats already interferes with the behavior that you monitor anyway."

  "I guess that's what I'm saying," Ed said, unsure of his own science perspective. "You'll need to talk with each other about everything, like any human would do with close friends or family. Years ago when I went to college I lived in a dorm with a roommate that at first drove me crazy. But we talked to each other about our issues instead of changing roommates and eventually instead of us both simply being cohabitating entities with a high creep factor for one another we became close friends."

  "Concepts of friends and family are not well understood by us," said Walking Stone.

  "Which is exactly why you should discuss them with Mark," said Ed. "A major goal of the quest will be for the two of you to establish a closer and more personal relationship. Ideally, some sort of friendship."

  "It all sounds reasonable, though in several ways very challenging," said Running Bear. There were nods of agreement from the other humans present.

  "And essentially in keeping with Tribe tradition," added Talking Owl. "The spirit quest is supposed to be a time when the questing youngster bonds with their Tribe animal, with each respecting the other. I had rather hoped that for Mark instead of a couple of tons of rock it would be an owl that he closely bonded with."

  "Hell, the boy can still also bond with as many owls or other creatures as he wants to," said Ed, as he turned his attention directly to Dawn Owl and then back to Mark. "You, Mark, will need to also try to buddy up with Walking Stone. In essence you will both be going on a spirit quest. Neither of you will be allowed to obtain aid from others of your kind. They are to ignore you. You must together quest and survive for two weeks alone in the wilderness as companions."

  "Do the Stone-Coats agree to accept this quest as has been outlined here?" Ed asked Walking Stone.

  "It is agreed," said the Stone-Coat. "We do not understand the thought process you employed to determine this strategy but we compute that it may achieve positive results."

  "So then, their friendly togetherness is to be one major goal of the quest," said Gray Wolf. "You have suggested that there are others?"

  "Yes," said Ed. "You questers are also to report your recommendations with regard to the giant flies. I suspect that you will encounter them during your spirit quest."

  "Afraid so," agreed Running Bear. "Have you got any other goals for Dawn Owl, Chief?"

  "Just the usual primary one: stay alive," Ed concluded.

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