The Shrinking Nuts Case Page 7

CHAPTER 7

  PRINCE

  I still planned to look up Henry but I figured I better square things with Elaine first, so I headed for the apartment, after gassing up the Ford with one of the twenties from Mick. As I walked into my apartment smiling she was walking out, carrying a suitcase. Veracruz was right behind her, carrying another suitcase and a cat carrier with the damn cat in it. They weren't smiling.

  "What gives, Baby?" I asked.

  She looked red around the eyes like she had been crying. About what, I couldn’t figure. "I'm moving out, Jake. This was a mistake."

  So the marriage was off! I felt relief, for just a couple of seconds, until I thought about it some more. What would the Family make of Elaine being pissed off at me like this? Would they have Vinnie pay me a little visit later? Break a couple kneecaps as a going-away present maybe? Or worse?

  No, I couldn't let it end like this. I had to think really fast about what she might want to hear, and what the Family might go along with. "Oh, no!" I exclaimed convincingly. "What gives Baby?" I tried to look and sound really hurt.

  "You won't have to worry about my family, Jake; I'll explain that this was all my fault."

  "Screw your family, Baby; this is about you and me. They don't figure into this."

  She stopped walking and turned to stare at me. "They don't?"

  I glanced at Veracruz. He was taking this all in with his hard, beady, pitiless eyes. "Well, not hardly they don’t."

  “They really don’t? You mean it?”

  “I mean it. Just give me a little time to get used to your family situation, Baby. We’ll get through this.”

  She sat the suitcase down and smiled for a moment, but then her face hardened again. “What happened to you last night?”

  I shrugged. “I met with Joe to talk about the case. It made sense to loosen his lips with some beer at Sam’s bar. Well, let me tell you: that took one hell of a lot of beer. We both got a little drunk and fell asleep on the floor at the old office. You know how it is. Then some more stuff happened this morning and I was very busy.” I nodded towards Veracruz.

  “You couldn’t even phone?”

  I shrugged. I had a new cell phone but hadn’t even told her about it yet. I decided that now wasn’t the time. “Phones are disconnected at the old place,” I explained. That much was probably even true.

  “That’s not good enough, Jake. What if I had simply disappeared overnight? Would that have been OK with you?”

  “I’d have worried about you, sure. But you know, I’m on a case, Baby.”

  “I’m on the case too, Jake. Even if we weren’t engaged and living together we’re still business partners. Don’t you think we should keep in touch?”

  “Sure, I guess so. I’m sorry Baby; I just ain’t used to our new setup yet. Tell you what; I was going to see this Henry character next. Why don’t you tag along with me and I’ll bring you up to speed on everything.”

  “I don’t think so, Jake. I better stay here and prepare for my folks. You know, clean up and cook and that sort of thing. Woman stuff.”

  “Sure Baby. I understand woman stuff.” You guys out there, it’s always good to pretend you understand women stuff; remember that. Behind her, I could see Veracruz putting down the suitcase inside the apartment, along with the case with the damn cat inside it. “You know, if you really have another place to take the cat, Baby, maybe he’d still like a little adventure. You know, don’t take this wrong, but while your folks visit, maybe the cat should take a powder.”

  Elaine shook her head. “Not a chance, Jake. Prince is a gift from Papa. He’ll expect to see him. He’ll expect to see Prince and us all living happily together.”

  So Prince was a gift from the King? Great. Veracruz smiled. Almost laughed even, maybe. He must have seen the look on my face. “Sure thing, Baby,” I said. “We’re just not real close buddies yet, me and cute little Prince.” I tried to kick the damn cat whenever I got the chance; maybe that explained some of it. “I’m just not a cat person.”

  Veracruz released the damn cat from the cat carrier and it strutted out into the living room like it owned the joint. Damn I hate cats!

  “Wrong, Jake,” she said. “You’re the most cat-like person I know. You’re the strong independent type, and you don’t take any crap from anybody. Cats sense that. And I suppose that’s one of the things I love about you.” She reached up and grabbed me, and we kissed long and serious.

  The cat meowed. “Feed me,” said a strange little voice, at the same time.

  I looked around. Veracruz had disappeared. The cat was sitting there on MY recliner, like he owned it, staring at the two of us, like he usually does, with those weird orange cat eyes of his.

  He meowed again. “Feed me,” demanded the voice. It seemed to come from the cat!

  “What the hell?” I remarked.

  Elaine laughed. “That’s just Prince, Jake. I put his smart collar on. It’s one of those new computerized ones that translates cat to human. You must have heard of them.”

  Not really. Technology ain’t one of my strong points. It’s what a guy has between his ears and his legs that counts most I figure, but not necessarily in that order. I still had to admit this was a pretty damned amazing thing though. “What the hell!” I remarked. “The damn cat talks?”

  “Quite a bit. He’s been genetically enhanced, brain wise, and the collar translates. Daddy thought he’d make better company for me that way. Right big guy?”

  The cat jumped off the recliner and strutted over to Elaine, where it rubbed itself against her legs, purring. “Elaine love Prince?” asked the little mechanical voice, over the sound of his meow.

  She reached down to pet the damn thing. “Of course Elaine loves her big guy.”

  “Prince go home now?” it asked.

  The damn thing was actually carrying on a conversation!

  “This IS your home now, Prince. Here with me and Jake.”

  The damn cat looked up at me and snarled. “Jake bad,” it said, as it turned away and disappeared into the bedroom, still strutting like he owned the joint, with his tail high-up like he was going to take a leak or rub his ass on something.

  “You didn’t tell me your cat talks,” I noted.

  “It takes a little getting used to. I thought he should get acquainted with you on a non-verbal level first.”

  Right. So now when the Family visited they would hear about me from the damn cat! “Non-verbal sounds good to me. So can we take the collar back off then?”

  She shook her head. “Papa and Mama will be expecting it to be on him.”

  “How does he understand us? Does the damn collar speak cat language to him?”

  “No, silly! Prince knows English, Italian, Russian and Spanish, just like I do. He doesn’t need a translator to understand people-talk.”

  “Oh, sure,” I agreed. Great. Even the damn cat was better educated than I was.

  “Why don’t you go see Henry, then come home and help me and Prince get ready?”

  “Sure thing Baby. You and little Prince.”

  I left without telling her or little Prince anything more about the case, as I didn’t want to upset her again. Besides, if she could just square things with the Family, she would be doing her share, I figured.

  ****